Ahh, January. How do we love thee? Let me count the ways!!
First, there is.......
Hmmm.....what to start with. Think.....
Ok. First there is......
What can I put down for the first. Hmm....I am at a quandary here.
Shoot - I seemed to have lost my train of thought. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. January. This is supposed to be a blog on why I like January so much. How do I get this ball rolling....
Ahh - got it! Ok, here goes:
First......
Dang, lost it again.
Well, the best I can say is this. Have you ever wondered why December goes so fast and February seems to drag on forever?
It's because
JANUARY SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is just nothing more to it than that. You know how sometimes people refer to the month as it's closing out as that month "dying"? As in, "the boy born as the month of July dies" (vague Harry Potter reference here). Well, if it were true that a month could die, once January died, I'd do a happy dance on it's grave!
I hate January. If you could rank all 12 months on order of goodness, you would not be able to rate January because #12 out of 12 is just far too kind for that month. You'd have to allocate about 35 blank dates to give January it's proper ranking of #38 out of 12, and I feel that would be even a bit too kind.
Why is January so bad you ask? First off, I'd say "DUH!!!" But if you were really clueless, I'd have to tell you my reasoning. First off, it's cold here in January. Too cold. As in, so cold that your nose hairs start to freeze together while you are trying to walk around and actually breath like a normal human or mammal. Generally, you find yourself minimizing the time you spend out of doors because it takes so long to bundle up to the point where you don't freeze to death by walking outside. You run from your car, to get into a warm house or store, or workplace, then when the business of whatever you were doing is done, you run back to your car and cuss it for not staying warm while you were gone.
At this point, various folks begin to tell me that the real solution is to move to somewhere warm. I am not fooled by this argument. In fact, I have a stronger argument against it. You see, by moving to somewhere like this, it does indeed make January tolerable from an "outside warmth" standpoint. But in effect, you are swapping the nasty January for a nasty July or August where you can't go outside without various body parts literally melting off. Then you find yourself running from your car to your destination in hope that heat stroke doesn't set in while you are out there, then running back and cussing your car for not staying cool while you were gone. It may make January more tolerable, but I love July & August and I could never make myself hate it as much as January. Trust me, I have been in Arizona in July. 116 degrees in the shade? No thank you.
Now back to the January bashing. The other day, I looked directly at the Sun. And I stared at it for an extended period of time. "Aarggh! What were you thinking" you are saying at this point. "Didn't your Mom ever warn you not to stare directly at the Sun?!?!? You'll melt your corneas off!" Well, don't you worry your little head, dear, there was no melting (it's cold out here, remember?) No, it wasn't because it was cold. It was because there was 54.5 miles of airborne garbage for the sunlight to travel through before it made it to my corneas. By the time the sun rays made it to my eyeballs, it was a shell of it's former bad old self. It couldn't barely muster a tear from the old tear ducts due to it's complete lack of intensity. In fact, you could look directly at that blob of a sun and you could almost see the face of the sun, verging on the edge of weeping, big old bottom lip sticking out and feeling sad being repressed behind a sea of airborne gunk. I felt sorry for it. I almost wanted to shout to it not to worry that some day this horrid month would be over, and he'd be back on his feet melting corneas off like it never happened!
Yes, there is an unusual amount of gunk in the air in January around these parts. In fact, I would say of the 31 miserable days of January, perhaps 10 of them have any real extended periods of unobstructed sunlight that makes it to this part of the world. It's not uncommon to go for weeks at a time without being really sure the sun had imploded, or just taken it's ball and gone home because it couldn't play anyhow. When it finally does show up, I find myself closing my eyes, feeling the tingle of actual sun rays on my face and remembering what it was like to be summer again. Then the smog bank rolls back in, I am yanked back into reality, and have to pull my hoodie over my ears before they freeze off again.
I have heard the argument as well that I should take up something like skiing to overcome these January blahs. The rational is that going up to the ski slopes is refreshing because the sun is most always shining up there and you can go enjoy the outdoors. Really? Is it that drastic to take those measures? You see, you have to take on all the other risks associated with skiing.
Skiing. Who came up with that idea? Did someone wake up and say, "You know, I am going to go strap some wood boards on my feet, go to the top of the highest mountain, and slide uncontrollable down the side of the mountain, and hope I don't hit a tree on the way!" Of course, being the top of the mountain, the snow is around 65 feet deep, and as you are going down the luge of death, the wind chill hits -55 degrees and any exposed flesh is immediately frozen. Not to mention should the inevitable happen, and you wipe out. Then joints that aren't meant to bend in ways that get bent in such a collision begin to make you notice they are there. If you are lucky, you don't end up being hauled down off the slopes in a stretcher.
I know - it's not that bad. It just seems like a harsh thing to do to go get some sunlight in the winter. I haven't actually ever skied before, so I have to admit I am making that whole argument against it up. I could do it and really love it. If I could associate anything with cold as being something I would love to do. It would be hard to overcome the psychology of it, is all I am saying.
And so, as of today, January is dying. True, tomorrow is February who's only real saving graces are that for one thing, it's only 28 days, and for another thing, it's not January. But come, let's join in and have a moment of silence for the death of January. Then the celebration can begin!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Water Managers
I have to admit, I am really a bit pathetic. In order to crank my rusty wheels in my brain in motion to post on my blog, I need to have an assist from Kathryn on what to write about. Usually I tap into something that begins to form, but my brain doesn't connect the dots until Kathryn interrupts me in mid-rant and says, "Sounds like a good blog post subject." At which point, my brain says something to effect, "Huh? Chicken and rice?" Ok, so that has nothing to do with it, but I digress.
To my point, and the point of my blog for tonight - Water managers. I recently read an article in the paper in regards to the water content we currently have in our snow pack. And quoted is the somewhat whimsical beast, the water manager.
Who knows what dire circumstances that brought someone to the point that they had to make a career of watching water. Granted, there is probably no substance on the face of the earth, save maybe oxygen, at sustaining life than water. And while we usually walk to the sink and turn on the water, fully expecting clean, wholesome water to flow out of the tap and into our cups, we rarely have to consider that there is a whole infrastructure in place to manage that water and make sure it's what we expect.
I don't know what bet you have to lose, or who you had to get really mad, to make you resort to being the water manager for a place like Utah. Utah is a desert, so the water here is pretty important. But what is there to say about it? It snows, the snow melts, it comes down from the mountains in rivers (or "cricks" as the good ole' native Utahns would call them), we collect it, then feed it down the pipes to our cups. What more could there be?
Well, I recall in my youth the danger in not listening to these feral water manager beasts. Way back in the day, 1983, to be exact, we had ourselves a weird water year. There was the usual pattern - snow, snow melt, rivers, etc. But this year, it decided to do it all strange-like. We had snow. We had a LOT of snow. I don't remember a year before, or since, that we had snow like we did that year. Roofs were collapsing in Kaysville, carports in Clearfield were caving in, little doggie mansions in Bountiful were bowing under the sheer weight of the snow. I recall going around as a noble varsity scout and climbing up on the roof of the widows' houses in the ward to shovel snow off them (the roofs, not the widows) to prevent them from caving in (the roofs, not the widows). Most of the rest of my youth, that would have got me in trouble, but we were doing service!
Then spring came along, but it was cold, and wet. In fact, it stayed winter-like all the way until Memorial day weekend. Then it got HOT. Like 90 degrees hot. And snow doesn't like hot much. It stops being snow and starts being water. But there wasn't anywhere for the water to go fast enough, so it started crossing streets. And it didn't even look both ways - it just went!
And in Farmington, they had themselves a good old fashioned mud-slide. I remember this vividly because the mud covered almost the entire course of my paper route. And they didn't let me ride my bike up there to deliver papers because, well, it was muddy. In fact, there were two or three porches that were then located a considerable distance from where they had been previously and no one involved with that porch seemed to care anymore that there wasn't a paper on it.
As all disasters go, mostly we survived. But it got me thinking about water up in them thar hills. The newspaper got that idea too, and ever since, the water manager has become something of a celebrity. You started to hear from some of these guys that never got any notice before, and people cared what they had to say! We didn't want a repeat of that nasty winter of '83.
So here we are, safely nestled in 2010. I recently picked up a the paper and read a story on our water situation. Basically, it sucks.
According to our water managers, we had snow. But it wasn't enough snow. And even if we got way more snow, we won't have enough snow. In fact, if it snowed constantly from now until the end of May, we are all screwed.
What will happen? Well, we won't have enough snow. And, if we don't have enough snow, then.....we won't have enough snow.
It seems almost as if these water manager people are saying that it's all our fault. You see the problem was we had a warm November. It didn't snow. And we all enjoyed it! If you had been smart, you would have been totally disgusted that we didn't get enough snow and then we might have been ok, but you were all out working in your yards, ENJOYING the no-snow condition! Now it has come home to roost. Because we didn't get enough snow then, we are in trouble!
But wait, you say. How can me enjoying the warm weather have anything to do with it? Even if I hated the warm weather, it still would not have made it snow, right? I mean, we can't make it snow! All we can do is enjoy the lack of it. But that's the problem, they say. You ENJOYED it. So the snow gods didn't let it snow because they were just trying to make YOU happy! And because you were happy, we didn't get snow! So now we are screwed and it's all YOUR FAULT!!!!!
You see, if we had a good snow storm in November, it would have made it easier to get our normal snow pack by April. But you had to enjoy that warm November, didn't you. Now even though we had almost a foot of new snow in the last week, preceded by even more snow in December (I think it has snowed straight since the 2nd week in December, hasn't it?) It just is not enough. Even if it snowed 2 feet every day until April 30th, we won't have enough snow!
So, what kind of person becomes a water manager?
Eeyore.
To my point, and the point of my blog for tonight - Water managers. I recently read an article in the paper in regards to the water content we currently have in our snow pack. And quoted is the somewhat whimsical beast, the water manager.
Who knows what dire circumstances that brought someone to the point that they had to make a career of watching water. Granted, there is probably no substance on the face of the earth, save maybe oxygen, at sustaining life than water. And while we usually walk to the sink and turn on the water, fully expecting clean, wholesome water to flow out of the tap and into our cups, we rarely have to consider that there is a whole infrastructure in place to manage that water and make sure it's what we expect.
I don't know what bet you have to lose, or who you had to get really mad, to make you resort to being the water manager for a place like Utah. Utah is a desert, so the water here is pretty important. But what is there to say about it? It snows, the snow melts, it comes down from the mountains in rivers (or "cricks" as the good ole' native Utahns would call them), we collect it, then feed it down the pipes to our cups. What more could there be?
Well, I recall in my youth the danger in not listening to these feral water manager beasts. Way back in the day, 1983, to be exact, we had ourselves a weird water year. There was the usual pattern - snow, snow melt, rivers, etc. But this year, it decided to do it all strange-like. We had snow. We had a LOT of snow. I don't remember a year before, or since, that we had snow like we did that year. Roofs were collapsing in Kaysville, carports in Clearfield were caving in, little doggie mansions in Bountiful were bowing under the sheer weight of the snow. I recall going around as a noble varsity scout and climbing up on the roof of the widows' houses in the ward to shovel snow off them (the roofs, not the widows) to prevent them from caving in (the roofs, not the widows). Most of the rest of my youth, that would have got me in trouble, but we were doing service!
Then spring came along, but it was cold, and wet. In fact, it stayed winter-like all the way until Memorial day weekend. Then it got HOT. Like 90 degrees hot. And snow doesn't like hot much. It stops being snow and starts being water. But there wasn't anywhere for the water to go fast enough, so it started crossing streets. And it didn't even look both ways - it just went!
And in Farmington, they had themselves a good old fashioned mud-slide. I remember this vividly because the mud covered almost the entire course of my paper route. And they didn't let me ride my bike up there to deliver papers because, well, it was muddy. In fact, there were two or three porches that were then located a considerable distance from where they had been previously and no one involved with that porch seemed to care anymore that there wasn't a paper on it.
As all disasters go, mostly we survived. But it got me thinking about water up in them thar hills. The newspaper got that idea too, and ever since, the water manager has become something of a celebrity. You started to hear from some of these guys that never got any notice before, and people cared what they had to say! We didn't want a repeat of that nasty winter of '83.
So here we are, safely nestled in 2010. I recently picked up a the paper and read a story on our water situation. Basically, it sucks.
According to our water managers, we had snow. But it wasn't enough snow. And even if we got way more snow, we won't have enough snow. In fact, if it snowed constantly from now until the end of May, we are all screwed.
What will happen? Well, we won't have enough snow. And, if we don't have enough snow, then.....we won't have enough snow.
It seems almost as if these water manager people are saying that it's all our fault. You see the problem was we had a warm November. It didn't snow. And we all enjoyed it! If you had been smart, you would have been totally disgusted that we didn't get enough snow and then we might have been ok, but you were all out working in your yards, ENJOYING the no-snow condition! Now it has come home to roost. Because we didn't get enough snow then, we are in trouble!
But wait, you say. How can me enjoying the warm weather have anything to do with it? Even if I hated the warm weather, it still would not have made it snow, right? I mean, we can't make it snow! All we can do is enjoy the lack of it. But that's the problem, they say. You ENJOYED it. So the snow gods didn't let it snow because they were just trying to make YOU happy! And because you were happy, we didn't get snow! So now we are screwed and it's all YOUR FAULT!!!!!
You see, if we had a good snow storm in November, it would have made it easier to get our normal snow pack by April. But you had to enjoy that warm November, didn't you. Now even though we had almost a foot of new snow in the last week, preceded by even more snow in December (I think it has snowed straight since the 2nd week in December, hasn't it?) It just is not enough. Even if it snowed 2 feet every day until April 30th, we won't have enough snow!
So, what kind of person becomes a water manager?
Eeyore.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)