Father's Day

Kathryn, Emily, and I got roped into speaking in church today. They gave us topics to speak on, but I decided to kind of do my own thing. I made a list of "Things Dad Can't Do", sort of. It's a list of stuff I figured out on my own as a dad, and about other dads in my life.

It's based on that book called, "Things Dad Can't Do". It has things like:

1. Dads can't cross the road without holding a hand.
2. Dads need lots of help putting up the tent when you are camping
3. Dads aren't good at finding you in hide and seek
4. Dads aren't good at hiding when you play hide and seek.

You know how it works. Anyhow, I came up with a bunch of my own:

1. Dads can’t dig holes in the back yard without an audience
2. Dads can’t do anything without having to explain what he is doing, again, and again, and again…..
3. Dad’s tools are far more fun than any toys.
4. Dads like to work with tools, but they really like it when they aren’t where he put them last. They like to find things like tools.
5. Dad’s tools can turn on and off the rain.
6. Dads like it when you find great places to hide his keys. Particularly when you are about ready to leave on vacation.
7. Dad’s tie on Sunday is a great practice harness for future water skiing careers.
8. Dads need to be identified. We need to point them out any time they are passing the sacrament or sitting on the stand.
9. Dads don’t like it when you squish the cat, even though you are only trying to hug her.
10. Dads really need to have you sit in his lap when he’s working on the computer. He also needs lots of help hitting the keys.
11. Dads need to have someone watch them play games on the computer.
12. Dads don’t sleep much. They put you to bed and they are gone when you wake up. It’s really important, however, if you wake up in the morning and Dad is sleeping, that you wake him up as soon as possible.
13. If Dad is lying on the floor, at least one person must jump on his back, but the more the better.
14. Dads really love to plant pretty flowers that you can pick and scatter all over the front porch.
15. Dads want to make sure you look pretty for church.
16. Dads try to do your hair, but it usually doesn’t look as pretty as when Mom does it. But at least Dad tried.
17. If anything is broke, Dad can fix it.
18. Dads have a hard time coming up with the right words to say sometimes. He may hit his thumb with a hammer, and even though he seems like he has something to say, he just doesn't say it out loud.
19. Dads think you really love tickles
20. Dads think you really need to know how many ribs you have, and help you find out how many you have very often.
21. Sometimes when Dads count your ribs, they lose count really easy.
22. Dads are really good at remembering embarrassing stories. They are even better at knowing the worst possible time to tell them.
23. At dinner, a burp may escape on you. Moms like to teach you manners by telling you to say “Excuse me”. Dads like to teach you gratitude by telling you to say, “Good Cookin’ Mom!” Moms don’t appreciate it when Dads do that.
24. Dads have a built in GPS locator in their brain that can tell you where Mom is at any time.
25. Dads call you annoying nicknames like, “Cute Bug”, or “My little buddy”, or “Goofy”.
26. When Dads shoot the basketball, they aren’t very good shots
27. Dads really can’t block your basketball shot very well. They are tall enough, but just can’t seem to get there to block your shot.
28. Dads like to watch soccer games on Saturdays. And baseball games. And basketball games. And dance recitals.
29. Dads don't really like to dance much. Unless its for your dance recital party
30. Dads don’t mind sharing their birthday (Savanna and I share a birthday). When that happens, they are ok with having a princess cake.
31. Dads teach you how to play sports so that someday you can look into the camera and say, “Hi Mom!”
32. Dads like to kiss Mom when you are watching to gross you out.
33. Dads don’t like it when you fight.
34. Dads get really upset when you are not nice to Mom. They say strange things like they know what Mom went through to bring you here to earth. Dads prefer it when you tell Mom you love her.
35. If you are fighting in the car, Dads stop and make you walk. Usually with the person you were fighting with.
36. Sometimes Dads volunteer you to speak in Church
37. Dads don't even tell people how much you complained about having to talk in church (not Emily)
38. Dads volunteer you to do other service projects, even if you don't want to do them. They don't let you get paid for them sometimes so you can learn service.
39. Dads read the paper sometimes and worry about you and what could happen to you.
40. Dads don't get scared too easy. But sometimes you get lost and Dad gets really worried and scared that he might not find you again. He tries not to let you see how scared he gets at those times.
41. Dads get to deal with the mice
42. When you get a cat, Dads get to deal with the litter box
43. Dads aren't so good at changing stinky diapers.
44. Dads have a hard time remembering things like appointments and what's going on during the week
45. Dads know lots about life and things. They know about trees, and rocks, and everything
46. Sometimes you find out later that Dad was making some of that stuff up
47. Dads do things they don't like to do. Like go to work early in the morning, or on snowy days, or bad days. They do it because they want to take care of your family.
48. Dads don’t take sick days. Even when they are sick, they still work.
49. Dads have cloths that fall apart, but they don’t complain as long as you have nice cloths to wear.
50. Dads are good to talk to. They understand you somehow and know how you feel. Even when you don't want them to understand, they still do
51. Dads let you write letters to them about how hard of a time you are having on a mission. They give good advice and promise not to tell Mom so she won't worry about you
52. Dads probably can't help telling Mom anyhow
53. Dads can talk to you about how you feel lonely and wonder if you'll ever find the right person. They always say that you will, even if you don't believe them.
54. Dads make you feel better and say the sorts of things that reassure you that feeling lonely doesn't last forever.
55. Dads are usually right about you finding the right person.
56. Dads can give you blessings when you feel bad. They know what to say to make you feel better
57. Dads sometimes take care of your Mom when she forgets how to do it for herself. He makes it so Mom can live the last days of her life with dignity.
58. Dads sometimes have to live without your Mom. They feel lonely and wonder if they can make it without her. Then you get to try and make them feel better and reassure him that feeling lonely doesn't last forever
59. Dads are your hero when you are young. They are your hero when you are a teenager. They are your hero when you are on your mission. They are your hero when you become a Dad. Sometimes you wonder how you could ever be as good of a dad as your dad is. Then someday, you become a dad and you realize that what makes a great dad is that he loves you more than anyone in the world.
60. Dads really love being your dad.

Avoiding Chopping Off My Left Hand

I have decided that I am not half the blogger that Kathryn is. I must bow at the altar and worship the queen blogger!

Ok - so here goes for today. I have made a major moment of enlightenment as of late. I have determined that I had yet another reason to hope against all hope to never experience some sort of industrial-type accident that results in the severing of my left hand.

Obviously, there are plenty of reasons to have such hopes. I am sure most people would share such hopes. I mean, without a left hand, you can't eat a hamburger while driving a car (well, maybe you can hold the steering wheel with the stump of your hand), your "flipping the bird" hand is confined to the right hand (not that I really do that "flipping the bird" thing anyhow); I have never tried, but I would imagine that picking your left nostril with your right hand would be really difficult. (Come on! I bet you tried just to see if you could!)

But now I have one more. I have discovered (much to my chagrin - you like that word? It's my unique word of the day!) that Ethan has a new pass time. He seems to like rummaging around with my tools and scattering them to and fro. I have found screwdrivers in the back yard, I have found my crecent wrench on the front lawn, my shovels in various places around the yard, screws and bolts everywhere.

Where am I going with this? Well, the other day, I went out to work in the yard. As is my normal ritual, I tried to locate my work gloves. Now, I have to say I have acquired a large quantity of work gloves. Being an engineer, I have seriously wimpy hands. Not to say I haven't worked much, I just haven't spent a lot of time in my career exposing my hands directly to serious manual labor. Ok, I have wimpy hands. If I don't wear work gloves when I am working, I seriously screw up my hands.

As I hunted my gloves down, I found many gloves. Actually, I found a pile of one glove from each set. The left hand from each set.

After all, if I lost my left hand in some sort of accident, what would I do with all those left handed gloves?