I was reading Andy's blog tonight and the comments that followed. Now, granted, it has been a while and I just caught up on what Andy had been discussing. After reading Kathryn's comments, she made the point that the Clark Clan suffers from a severe case of Phoneaphobia.
Sadly, I think Kathryn just may have us pegged. I admit that I show significant signs of it. Regularly.
I love my family and I love to talk to them. Just not on the phone. There are times when I would rather dive buck naked in a swimming pool full of razors than pick up the phone and call someone. Just about for any reason.
Why is this? Is not the phone a means of communication? If we were visiting face to face, and somehow we were blindfolded, and stuck some sort of contraption against the side of our heads that cover our ears, would we all scream out in a panic and begin grunting unintelligible words like, "Yeah", "Uh-huh", or "Well, I better let you go. A cow just walked by the window and I'm concerned it may stop by and chew my eyebrows off."
Ok, so I never used that last one, but I have thought it. Ok, so I just made that up. I never thought it.
What it usually ends up doing is causing us to put off calling anyone until it's so darn close to being too late that any reasonable person would say, "It's too late now". Then we call. And it's OK, because the person we call knows that we put it off until way too late. And they know that we put it off until way too late because that is what they would have done if they had to make that phone call. It's usually the in-laws that end up screaming and ranting about how we never call until it's too late. What's their problem? Don't they know about the phone thing? Sheesh....
I think there may be some of us that don't really realize the extent of the phobia. I got a few phone calls from Jared last week. He had a court hearing scheduled for Tuesday and was trying to find someone to watch his kids while he went (this was on Monday, by the way. Pretty close to 'too darn late'). He called me, but he knew he should have called Kathryn and even said so in his message. Fortunately, he got ahold of Brooke and got things worked out. Jared may not have realized the phobia, but he knew to call Kathryn (and Brooke later) and almost waited until it was too darn late.
Of course, Jared ran up against my other malediction. That stupid cell phone. I really think it's the best way to get ahold of me, but I have such a broken record when it comes to actually responding to it. Deep down, I know better, but often times I will find myself noticing that I got a call on it from someone and saying, "Oh, I'll call back in a few minutes; just so I can get this one thing done." And by the time that one thing is done, the phone call is gone, baby. I'll remember to call back around 2 or 3 hours later (if I am doing good - usually it's more like 2 or 3 days) and by then it's too darned late.
Is any of this borne out of a desire to avoid someone? Not really. Is it because I don't want to help? Absolutely not. It's a genetic mental defect, I tell you! And come on, anyone in my family, I dare you to deny it. As soon as you try to, I could cite a million examples where each and every one of us has been guilty of it. (I know, I have been told a billion times not to exaggerate, but alas. Such is the genetic mental defect).
Fortunately, we have married some good folks that can help us with our psychosis. If it weren't for Kathryn, I probably would forget to show up to my own funeral (proverbially speaking, of course). And yes, it drives her crazy that I wait until it's too darned late to call. Sometimes I wonder if her eyes are going to stick rolled back (Teasing! I am teasing Kathryn!!!)
Communication was never a good point for the Clark's. I think Mom may have been the best at it, but even she struggled with it. Grandpa Clark was the worst. And I mean Dad's Dad. Still can you blame him? He was subjected to pressure that I would freeze in horror over. He had to live through one of the worst experiences anyone could face when he spent his time on Iwo Jima. You clam up or you break up. And the Clark's are naturals at claming up.
It's not a good thing and it needs to be better. But understanding it for what it is helps. It's not a lack of caring - far from it.
This next bit is directly 100% for Andy and what he said. I know our family, Andy. I know each and every one of them. They all love each other more than could possibly be stated. We may not say it all the time, or we may not say it like we mean it, but we do. And I guarantee that any one of us would give up significant body parts to help out any one of their family members. I know they would for me. I know they would for you. I know they would for any one of the family.
It has been hard since Mom died for our family's communication. She was such a hub of information to all of us. Without that spoke, I think we have all struggled. It was huge void that got left and I don't know who or how it will be filled. Grandma did a little, but there is only so much she could do and as you know, even Grandma struggles with some communication!
The best I can say, is bear with us. We are all trying to figure all this out. But the foundation is there. I know that each of us loves each other and cares about what is going on. We may not be the best communicators, but the feelings are there and they will never go away. No matter what.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
I hate having to explain a joke
Well, my last post garnered a grand total of zero comments. I don’t quite know how to interpret that. Was it really that boring of a post? Did anyone actually read it? Does anyone care? Probably not, but that is ok. As I first posted, I can’t imagine anyone wanting to actually read my posts – after all, I barely want to! So, it should come as no surprise if no one really does read it. If someone does read it and likes what I have written enough to comment, then that’s good. If not, oh well. My point of doing this in the first place was to give myself a place to vent and express my thoughts. It’s mostly to my benefit anyhow.
Probably the main reason for doing the blog thing was to give myself a way to write without having to do technical writing. Maybe get a little creative with what I write. You see, I write a lot for my job, but it is mindless blather describing test equipment and how to build it, what contractual requirements are for the project, technical problem resolution, and the like. It can be quite mind numbing, so the opportunity to write something creative has its appeal.
Once in a while, in my mindless escapade of boring technical writing, by mind revolts and cries out in a flurry of expression to break the tedium. One such exchange took place recently with my Section Chief (my supervisor’s supervisor). This guy has been working with the government for his entire career, so is well entrenched in the government-speak. At times, I get to thinking that the ‘government-speak’ is a sign of mental illness as years and years of overexposure to government documentation turns grey matter to a nice purée of mush (my spell checker is having fits with these complicated words I don’t know how to spell).
On occasion, my brain decides to revolt and play things out to see if there is any intelligent/intelligible life out there. The other day, such an event occurred.
I received notice from my Section Chief to the fact that I was not currently up to date on a training module for an area that is controlled in my work area. I realize that most of that last sentence means very little to anyone and likely initiated a brain-shutdown in normal minded people due to the fact that, well, you just don’t care. Typically, I don’t either, but it is the setup for what I am trying to say, so cut me some slack, ok?
Anyhow, the government/military feels like the important thing to do is to make sure everyone is properly trained. So, they employ some poor sot to sit down and generate a series of power point presentations that somehow infuses the reader with all the knowledge needed to ensure that they know whatever the training is trying to infuse into their poor mush brain. Some training sets are long, the others are shorter, but all have similar mind numbing qualities.
Usually at the conclusion of the series of training slides, a similar blank stare is found in the eyes of the ‘trainee’ to what I see often with my kids watching “Arthur” or “Curious George” or (*shudder*) “Team Geotracks” (“All Aboard!!!” – ok, maybe only Kathryn will get that one)
My Section Chief alerted me (and several other transgressors) that I had not completed the training and if I did not soon, I would either have to take the training or surrender my badge.
Now, everyone knows the fine set of red tape connected with getting anything done in the government, so the idea of surrendering a badge over doing some stupid mind numbing training that takes 10-15 minutes is just kind of silly. It seemed that my Section Chief was displaying some facetiousness in suggesting it, so I decided to take it a bit further.
Once the completion of the said training was secured, I wrote back to him the following comment:
“Done. And I must say that the depth and breadth of my level of training comprehension is stunning to the point of near ecstasy. I almost collapsed under the sheer weight of my controlled-area-training-ed-ness.”
Feeling proud of my response of facetiousness (isn’t that a great word?), I sent this off hoping to elicit some sort of chuckle or giggle (or as Andy suggests, a combination of those being a “chiggle”). What was his response?
“So what's your point?”
I have to admit, that is produced a deer-in-the-headlights effect on me. My point? Did I have one? Did he not get the facetiousness I was attempting to portray? Was he trying to return my facetiousness with facetiousness? (I think that may be a world’s record for using facetiousness in a paragraph)
So I decided to continue the train of facetiousness. Maybe being excessively facetious by actually defining facetious may make my mushy brained Section Chief realize I was being facetious? (I am glad I typed that. Saying it would have hurt). I responded with this:
“Point? My point should be absolutely clear. That, um, well, I don't know. Maybe it was pointless. I was actually being purely facetious which would be defined as: treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant; pleasantly humorous, jocular (I looked it up).
After all, I am a jocular kind of guy.”
A joke always looses something when you have to explain it.
Probably the main reason for doing the blog thing was to give myself a way to write without having to do technical writing. Maybe get a little creative with what I write. You see, I write a lot for my job, but it is mindless blather describing test equipment and how to build it, what contractual requirements are for the project, technical problem resolution, and the like. It can be quite mind numbing, so the opportunity to write something creative has its appeal.
Once in a while, in my mindless escapade of boring technical writing, by mind revolts and cries out in a flurry of expression to break the tedium. One such exchange took place recently with my Section Chief (my supervisor’s supervisor). This guy has been working with the government for his entire career, so is well entrenched in the government-speak. At times, I get to thinking that the ‘government-speak’ is a sign of mental illness as years and years of overexposure to government documentation turns grey matter to a nice purée of mush (my spell checker is having fits with these complicated words I don’t know how to spell).
On occasion, my brain decides to revolt and play things out to see if there is any intelligent/intelligible life out there. The other day, such an event occurred.
I received notice from my Section Chief to the fact that I was not currently up to date on a training module for an area that is controlled in my work area. I realize that most of that last sentence means very little to anyone and likely initiated a brain-shutdown in normal minded people due to the fact that, well, you just don’t care. Typically, I don’t either, but it is the setup for what I am trying to say, so cut me some slack, ok?
Anyhow, the government/military feels like the important thing to do is to make sure everyone is properly trained. So, they employ some poor sot to sit down and generate a series of power point presentations that somehow infuses the reader with all the knowledge needed to ensure that they know whatever the training is trying to infuse into their poor mush brain. Some training sets are long, the others are shorter, but all have similar mind numbing qualities.
Usually at the conclusion of the series of training slides, a similar blank stare is found in the eyes of the ‘trainee’ to what I see often with my kids watching “Arthur” or “Curious George” or (*shudder*) “Team Geotracks” (“All Aboard!!!” – ok, maybe only Kathryn will get that one)
My Section Chief alerted me (and several other transgressors) that I had not completed the training and if I did not soon, I would either have to take the training or surrender my badge.
Now, everyone knows the fine set of red tape connected with getting anything done in the government, so the idea of surrendering a badge over doing some stupid mind numbing training that takes 10-15 minutes is just kind of silly. It seemed that my Section Chief was displaying some facetiousness in suggesting it, so I decided to take it a bit further.
Once the completion of the said training was secured, I wrote back to him the following comment:
“Done. And I must say that the depth and breadth of my level of training comprehension is stunning to the point of near ecstasy. I almost collapsed under the sheer weight of my controlled-area-training-ed-ness.”
Feeling proud of my response of facetiousness (isn’t that a great word?), I sent this off hoping to elicit some sort of chuckle or giggle (or as Andy suggests, a combination of those being a “chiggle”). What was his response?
“So what's your point?”
I have to admit, that is produced a deer-in-the-headlights effect on me. My point? Did I have one? Did he not get the facetiousness I was attempting to portray? Was he trying to return my facetiousness with facetiousness? (I think that may be a world’s record for using facetiousness in a paragraph)
So I decided to continue the train of facetiousness. Maybe being excessively facetious by actually defining facetious may make my mushy brained Section Chief realize I was being facetious? (I am glad I typed that. Saying it would have hurt). I responded with this:
“Point? My point should be absolutely clear. That, um, well, I don't know. Maybe it was pointless. I was actually being purely facetious which would be defined as: treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant; pleasantly humorous, jocular (I looked it up).
After all, I am a jocular kind of guy.”
A joke always looses something when you have to explain it.
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